Paranoia Self Destoyer

from August 1, 2007

I wake up at 4 am-ish disoriented by a bizarre dream about
and ex-boyfriend who shows up at my childhood home (95%
of my dreams take place at my childhood home what's up with that?)
We talk for a while, about what, I forget...anyway I go back to sleep and wake
up at 5 am-ish I go to get the paper and noticed that the moon is
out and this fascinates me to no end! I grab the paper and take a
seat and wait for the sun to come up or that fucking moon to go
away. In the meantime I am sure my neighbors driving to work are
wondering what the fuck I am doing looking at the sky like it is a
celestial tennis match..screw them I hate them anyway. While I wait
for this momentous event I amuse myself and read my local paper about
all the crimes in our area. Which begs the question:

Why do Mexicans most have 4 names? Rarely does it read:

"Maria Delgado, age 32 of no fixed address was arrested for possesion
of marijuana"

It's this:

Maria Delgado-Sanchez-Ramirez, age 32, of no fixed address was arrested for possesion of marijuana"

What's with all these extra names? Getting monograms must be a bitch.

Anyway. I witnessed the sunset rise and the mood fade away and my neighbors who witnessed me wandering around my yard like a spaced out moon goddess have probably called mental health services on me.

I go back to bed and sleep for two hours, wake up and turn on the Tivo. Tivo has a feature where it will tape programs according to your viewing habits so for whatever reason I got a program from the History channel entitled:

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Countdown to Armageddon: Countdown to Armageddon.

(description)

Asteroids on a collision course with Earth, super volcanoes, global warming, killer viruses--all are potential catastrophes that threaten to wipe out life on our planet. Are these simply natural disasters that have been occurring since time immemorial? Or are these threats terrifying prophesies from the Bible that are at last coming true? Are our fears overblown? Or are the infamous Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse riding among us in a countdown to Armageddon?

---

This was a two hour show and I am a very paranoid person so now I am going through my day wondering if I should do one of the following:

A: Go to a church and confess my numerous sins

B: Max out my credit cards before the The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse come looking for me because I have broken every commandment...with relish.

C: Take another pill...because by tomorrow I'll forget this show and think I was watching the 80's cartoon "My Lil' Pony"

I'll go with "C"

But wait...there's more! It's not over.....around 4 pm there was a shiny black fast flying helicopter flying very low in my neighborhood, that heli-bitch shook my house!. I live between the Quantico Marine Corps Base and Washington DC...so Military helicopters are the norm here. BUT this one was different then the rest is was unmarked, very shiny and flying in a dangerously low manner...and hell, after seeing that fucking" Countdown to Armageddon" this is the last thing I wanted to see! Being the 'noid I am, I google "black helicopters" and this comes up:

Black helicopters are part of a conspiracy theory, especially prevalent among the United States militia movement, that claims that special unmarked black helicopters are used by secret agents of the New World Order, United Nations troops, and/or the Men in Black preparing to take control of the United States, or for other nefarious purposes.

Here is the same type of helicopter almost as sleek flying over someone else's house:

okay so now I know the worlds going to end, or some Goddamn covert operation is happening in my neighborhood...hopefully they are coming to pick up my Mexican neighbors three houses down, of course they would need about four or five helicopters to get all of them outta the house!

But wait theres more!

I turn on the TV and that Interstate 35W bridge in Minnesota collapse in four places and I am sure this is another sign mentioned in Revelations! A bridge like that just collapses? Because of a jack hammer? Nah. My theory is as follows:

1. The world is getting ready to end.

2. Illegal Mexicans workers used plastic screws instead of iron bolts to hold that bridge together.

3. Those black helicopters I was talking about had something to do with this.

oh shit I need to go to sleep I am losing my mind.