Tom Sizemore gave my computer Digital Herpes!

originally posted: November 12, 2005 - Saturday

I admit it I bought his sex scandal DVD

review here: (NSFW or Home or eyes for that matter)

http://www.somethingawful.com/articles.php?a=3156

I let my curiousty get the best of me and I tell you
it wasn't pretty. It was a train wreck set to porn.

Here us a synopsis:

1. He is covinced that the LAPD is out to get him. (if they weren't already they will be now since he wishes them all dead and "hopes they have lots of kids")
2. He loves prostitutes...
3. almost as much as drugs
4. He is an assman
5. He has a cache of bizarre sex toys
6. Whatever he is taking it causes him to sweat profusely
7. He has a tattoo right above his penis that reads either "Heidi" (as in Heidi Fleis)
8. He does not look good in spandex bicycle shorts with his butt crack showing

Purchasing that DVD from a unsavory site has wreaked havoc on my laptop, I have been bombarded with spam messages promising to make my non-exsistent penis hard, find me horny singles whores in my area (not looking) and surprisingly a few stock tips. I was also surprised to see that a South African member of Royalty wants to cut me a check for millions.

Moral of the story: If you don't have morals arm yourself with Mcafee, Nortons, Microsoft Anti-Spyware, Ad-aware, Pop-up Blocker, Kill Ad ....well nevermind I have all of those!

Get a Mac I am sure they have less problems than PCs.

Ignorance is Bliss (Thanks toTivo)

originally posted: November 20, 2005 - Sunday

Ever since I have become a part of the Tivo culture I have become retarded when it comes to global events be it world, regional or local. I know nothing. And why should I when I can watch America's Next Top Model, Breaking Bonaduche or House Hunters commercial-free?

The only time I do watch anything that resembles a news program is when Tivo records it for me based on their recommendations or if say there is a MTV news break in between Real World Austin.

The only time I read the newspaper is at work and I usually go straight to the entertainment section, and then it is off to the crime beat to see if any of my old high school friends have been arrested and then to the Obituaries to see if anyone I know has died. Inevitably I get stuck in a conversation with someone who mentions the devastation in (insert war-torn country here) I just nod along that it is awful and say something to the effect of "Yes I heard, that's so terrible" in a "tsk tsk" sort of way but what I really mean is.... "There was a flood?? When??" or “There's a War? I thought that ended in ' 04?”

I really should pick up a newspaper or watch the news every millennium or so. But if I did that I would miss the Gilmore Girls marathon on ABC Family Channel and that would blow.

This post was not sponsored by: http://www.tivo.com

Reality (TV) Overload!

originally posted: January 21, 2006 - Saturday

You may have noticed thant I have am someone enamored with my Tivo's, (yes I said Tivo's)!

I need two to keep up with my favorite programs.It's not as bad as it looks though, the beauty of Tivo
is that you can scan through all the bullshit commericials and watch an hour show in less than 40 minutes.

Below is my weekly TV schedule:


24
Soaps
American Idol
America's Next Top Model - reruns
Breaking Bonaduce
Celebrity Fit Club
Cops
Dirty Jobs
Everyday Italian
House Hunters
Iron Chef
Iron Chef America
Judge Alex
Judge Judy
Lost
My Sweet Sixteen
Paula's Home Cooking

Project Runway
Smalls space Big Style
SNL
The Girlmore Girls
The Real World
The Surreal Life



I'm sure there are more but at this point I am feeling slightly embarassed that I am such an addict.

I think I should take up something more productive like becoming a Bag Chaser and create a Powder Point Presentation. Ok Ok I just wanted to see if I could work in a few slang references for hillbilly herion, meth,Hydro Hypes; Ice, Ice Cream. Icee, Ish, Izice, Jab,Shiznit, Shiznitty, Shizzo, Shnizzie Snort, Shwack, Skeech, Sketch, Ski, Skitz, Sky Rocks, Sliggers, Smiley Smile, Smurf Dope, Smzl, Snaps, Sniff, Space Food, Spaceman, Spagack, Sparacked, Sparked, Sparkle, Speed Racer, Spin, Spin, Spin, Spinack, Spindarella, Spinney Boo, Spinning, Spishak, Spook, Sprack.

There is so more. remember kids:

When it comes to Drugs and especially TIVO! I leave the following message inspired by former First Lady Nancy Reagan:







.

Why do Mexicans congregrate at 7-11's?

originally posted: November 28, 2005 - Monday

I have officially boycotted 7-11's in my area

(known as Land of Drywallers) or "tierra de drywallers"

These guys stand and loiter in front of 7-11's under

the premise of looking for work but basically use the

place as one or more of the following:

toilet - the stinky stench of urine is overwhelming.

bar/tavern - who says beer is unacceptable at 5 am?

Gang meeting ground - "MS-13" is spray painted on every wall

I am not exaggerating at all. There are sometimes over 50 men

of hispanic origin standing out there everyday. I would take a

picture if I didn't think I would have the ACLU picketing on my

front lawn. PLUS there's a family of 28 living in a house 3 doors

down, So I will seethe through the internet.

dramatic re-enactment:

If this keeps up I am moving to Mexico, I am sure

that country is empty by now!

I am not Kathy Griffin.

originally posted: February 19, 2006 - Sunday

Over the span of three days I had a stalker. For whatever reason she thought I was television celebrity Kathy Griffin. I was somewhat let down when I realized she wasn't captivated my brilliance but by an actual celebrity. I felt an immediate connection with this stalker because she wasn't willing to go the extra mile and travel to stalk me. She wasn't very motivated. She was a treasure.




I miss her already.


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Who does she think she is? Does she think she can throw me away like yesterdays newspaper! I will not be ignored! Perhaps I will stalk her and then callously dump her without a second thought.

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Damn her, damn her to hell. (dramatic sob)

product reviews Ambien CR , Tramadol, Lift Off , and Correctol

originally posted: March 10, 2006 - Friday

I have decided to implement a Product review section on my blog. to help you the consumer with product selections. I will only review products that I have used (and in some cases abused)

Note: Proceed with caution! In the matter of prescription medications I recommend you go to your doctor or a reliable overseas internet doctor, and do not exceed the recommended dosage.

Product	Image	What they say / What I say
Ambien CR (controlled release)		use for occasional sleeplessness. My Review: I took a coupon (found in my Soap Digest) to my doctor and he wrote me a prescription for 3 refills. It was awesome! Or so I thought. This is not the same Ambien I took before. My advice to anyone thinking of taking this: once you take it GO TO BED. One evening I didn't and decided that I wanted a candy bar. I drove to CVS and went on to buy over 40 bucks of various chocolate products. What is frighting about this is that I have no recollection of this event occuring until the next day. My only clue was a receipt in my pocket showing all of the purchases I made that evening...or morning it was after midnight after all. I can only imagine what those cashiers thought of this mad woman grabbing chocolate covered pringles, ice cream and candy bars. They must thought I was some lunatic bulimic on a bender. The new Ambien CR is a calk walk compare to the original. In my opion the CR stands CRap!
Tramadol / Ultracet		for moderate to sever pain My Review: My husband was prescribed this for something....I forget what, but naturally I confiscated it since I was suffering excruciating pain of my hangnail. Don't feel bad for him though I let him have my advil. The medication works. really, really well. The only drawback is if anyone tries to ruin your *peaceful easy feeling* you turn into Naomi Campbell and start raging out.. This medication is nothing compared to the magical "P's" (Percocet and Percodan) but it helps you overcome the trauma of hangnails.
Herbalife Lift Off		effervescent energy drink dietary supplement, a first-to-market, sugar-free, zero-calorie, effervescent energy drink in a dissolvable tablet form. My Review: okay I got roped into buying this product from an overzealous herbalife salesman who would not take no for an answer. He insisted I taste a sample of this miracle product. One drink and I would hooked. It helped me recover from my morning Ambien hangover! It was a miracle tablet to me, you just pop it in a bottle of spring water and you are buzzing like a honeybee. However, today I learned that each table has 75 mg of caffeine, and I drank 4 of them today! WTF! I'll get some sleep by Saturday I'm sure. Taken in moderation I'm sure this is a helpful product.
Correctol		"for gentle overnight relief my review: GENTLE OVERNIGHT RELIEF MY ASS!"

The republicans are coming after me!

originally posted: March 15, 2006

Last year in a moment of patriotic weakness I donated to the Republican Party. For that honor I received a nice picture of George W. and Laura Bush and a Christmas card. It was great, I framed the photo and pretended that we were friends.

HOWEVER

Months go by with no word from my new friends the Bushes...BUT lately I have been getting these pledge requests from the Repulican National Commitee that almost sound threatening! Seriously, it's reminding me of the days when my credit was less than stellar I grew lax on making my payments and the credit card companies started sending me bad letters. The high pressure "we know you don't want to be deatbeat, remember we know where you live and work so it's in your best interest to pay of we will be forced to take you to court and humiliate you in front of Judge Joe Brown" type.

The GOP have all sorts of ideas for me to drum up support for the republicans. One Idea? They want me to form a neighborhood GOP block party. With my neighbors? Sure that'll go over well, seeing none of my neighbors like me and I would need an interpreter for my mexican neighbors and their EXTENDED family/dayworkers living in their SINGLE family home.

I would scan and post these letters I get from them but I am sure that faster than you can say "Chandra Levy" I'd be found floating in the Potomac River with a "W is for Women" bumper sticker over my eyes.

I was going to throw my vote to Ralph Nader in '08 but I found some scandalous info on Saint Ralph: Ralph Nader's Skeleton Closet

I'll vote for someone less corrupt...is Sharpton running in '08?



wait there might be hope...George Bushes "mini-me" Yee haw!

50 of the most random questions ever

originally posted: March 27, 2006

50 of the most random questions ever:

1. Where were you 1 hour ago?
making/burning Mac & cheese

2. When is the last time you filled up your gas tank?
yesterday

3. What is the most amount of money you spent in one store?
Over 3000. for a stupid gigantic TV I don't ever get to watch

4. Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?
of course

5. When is the last time you went to the mall?
about a month ago

6. Are you wearing socks right now?
yes

7. Do you have a car worth over $5,000?
yes

8. When was the last time you drove out of town?
a couple of years ago for a wedding

9. Have you been to the movies in the last 5 days?
No

10. Are you popular?
I'm the most famous person you've never heard of.

11. What was the last thing you had to drink?
Black Cherry Vanilla Coke

12. What was the last thing you mailed in the mail?
Netflix (I am boycotting Blockbuster)

13. Do you wash your car?
Hardly ever

14. Last fast food you ate?
burnt Mac & Cheese

15. Where were you last week today?
what is this, a fucking interigation?

16. Have you bought any clothing items in the last week?
yes

7. What bank do you use?
hello? Identity theft??? bite me

18. Do you own any land?
yes (the land my house sits on)

19. What do you want to be when you "grow up"?
Super Fly Cracker The Female Pimp

20. Your dream vacation?
Tahiti

21. Last boat ride you went on?
cruise in 99 or 2000 I forget

23. Are you in love?
everyday I look in the mirror

24. Do you have any single friends?
yes

25. Last play you saw?
"Movin' Out" but I preferred "Mama Mia"

26. Have you been to New York?
NO

27. What are your plans for tonight?
finishing this list goddamn it's taking forever

28.Last concert you went to?
I hate crowds. Concerts are for teens

29. Next trip you are going to take?
Where does Shatner live?

30. Ever go to camp?
no my mom was too cheap, which is for the best most camp kids were molested.

31. Were you an honor roll student in school?
"if Natalie spent as much time with her studies as she does entertaining the class she would pass World history" I guess that would make it a No.

32. What is your current GPA?
German Propaganda Archive?? What is this Nazi shit? back to the questions

33. Are you wearing any perfume or cologne?
Yes (Britney Spears Fantasy) give it a chance before you judge

34. Are you hungry?
no I am about to hurl from that effin Mac & Cheese

35. Where is your best friend located?
Arlingt....wait where is Shatner living?

36. Do you own a cowboy hat?
no but my Ameicanized illegal Mexican neighbors wear them with belt buckles the size of pumpkins.

37. Do you have a tan?
I am white as rice.

38. How old do you want to be when you have kids?
been there done that.

39. Do you collect anything?
expensive electronic equpiment.

40. Is this quiz annoying?
si

41. Last time you got pulled over?
who cares, my claim to local fame is being pulled over for speeding in two different counties on the SAME DAY and getting no tickets! Not even a driver diversion program. My excuse? I was traumatized over my grandma's death and was running late to her wake. I wasn't really that late.....I just like to drive fast. sorry grammy.

42. Ever been arrested?
never (juvenille records are sealed)

43. Been to Mexico for Spring Break?
why? so I can be abducted and held for ransom? I know my family they would not pay up and I would end up like Maria full of Grace swallowing ballons of heroin or illegal fireworks.

44. Do you like hot sauce?
nada

45. Last time you drove somewhere?
today

46. Do you need to do laundry?
si senor

47. How many friends do you have?
I can count my real friends on one hand, but it is a freakish hand with 13 fingers.

48. Are you someones best friend?
of course

49. Are you rich?
I'm not broke, I don't eat government cheese. I would say I am comfortably numb..

50. What are you thinking right this minute?
T NasTy (the Mad Bulletin Boarder)

Is it wrong to....

originally posted: April,1.2006

1. To secretly wish my elderly cat would die because he smells?

2. To want to reach into the tv set and slap that creepy little welchs grape juice kid?

3. To think that basketball playing autistic kid is getting "too hollywood"

4. To kill a man just to watch him die?

5. To make up stories (see number 4) to make yourself seem edgy?

In other news:

I can hardly breath because I mowed the grass today.

My Mexican neighbors widened their driveway.

My dog seems to have psorisis or a mental disorder.

My daughters bird bit me and mocked me afterwards.

I am still missing the friend I put the magenta alert out on.

I bought an Ipod nano that I don't need.

I deleted that effin myspacer "blah blah blah, shutup bitch" because her non-stop retarded bulletins.

I am holding myself responsible for the George Mason loss.

46 more questions.

originally posted: April 4, 2006



1. Song that always makes you sad?
"Popozao" - Kevin Federline

2. Last thing you bought?
Burrito Supreme

3. Last person you argued with?
My dog. the mofo thinks he owns the couch. but the bitch didn't talk back.

4. Do you put Butter before putting the peanut butter on?
who are you?

5. One of your stuffed animals names as a kid?
Teddy. and it was a bear. how original

6. Did you ever own at one time a Barenaked Ladies Cd?
oh, frick yea! I have all their shit and the itunes originals.
I feel whoever made this questionaire is not giving the BL's
the proper respect and I will find you and you'll regret your
little dig at them. you hear me? well see me...well...see my
words? oh you're an asshole hiding behind a lame myspace questionaire.

7. Favorite day of the week?
one day is no different than the next for me. But if I had to pick a day I would have to say Wednesday if only for the fine TV programing that occurs that evening.

8. Favorite Sundae topping?
Ambien

9. Did you take Piano lessons?
piano lessons? I grew up in the hood where we had to fight everyday for survival. This is emotional. My best friend (who was athleticly gifted) was shot in front of me by a rival gang...oh wait that ways "Boyz in the Hood" nope, no piano lessons.

10. Most frequently song played on your I-tunes?
"just a girl" by No doubt with "Number 1" by Goldfrapp coming in a close second.

11. T.V. show you secretly enjoy?
I make no secret of any of the programs I watch, I adore reality TV. No secrets here...oh what the fuck...Charlie Rose.

12. would you rather play basketball or hockey?
Okay I am white (or blue), female and don't want to break a nail so I choose neither.

13. Date someone older or younger?
This will piss off my husband, several of my boyfriends and that guy from the mall but I'll say older.

14. One place you could travel right now?
Our Nations Capital, that would be Washington D.C.

15. Do you use umbrellas?
rarely, why risk electrocution. Speaking of Ted Bundy...I'll take this moment to give a shout out to my nigga Ann Rule...holla!

16. Do you know all the words to the canadian national anthem?
no, but I know it includes the words: Gretsky, Moosehead and Eh?

17. Favorite Cheese
Government

18. The Smiths or the Cure?
The Cure, all the way!

19. do you prefer Blondes or Brunettes (guys too)?
Brunnettes I guess...shit I am only at number 19? I should be getting paid for this!

20. best job you ever had?
Underaged Lemonade Vendor

21. did you go to your high school prom?
No I couldn't find a sitter for the kids.

22. perfect time to wake up at?
10 am - no 11 am - no noonish

23. perfect time to go to bed?
precisely at midnightish or maybe at 3

24. do you use your queen right away in chess?
are you calling me a dyke?

25. have you been in a car accident?
I was no where near the scene and can't be charged so f*ck off wanka

26. closer to mom or dad...or neither?
:::flashback:::: coat hangers! the dreadful coat hangers!
papa can you hear me? no? oh that's right you died! thanks
for bringing up those pleasant memories Dr. Phil!

27. what age is this exciting life over for you?
I am surpassing the predictions of the "Ye Ole Biorhythm Machine" at Shakeys. It said I would be dead in the mid 90's

28. what decade during the 20th century would you have chosen to be a teenager in?
probably in the 70's because it was all about hair and fashion.

29. favorite shoes you have EVER owned?
Janzen bo-bo's. You can't go wrong with canvas.

30. do you have an article of clothing you have had since you were in high school?
My Vice Principals underwear.

31. were you in track and field?
in Junior High....but high school was err... high school. Hell, we had a smoking court. who could run with a marlboro hanging out of your mouth?

32. were you ever in a school talent show?
yes. and some little bitch who knew a few ballet steps beat us. but we got way more applause than that biatch! it was all about politics...and that was elementary school.

33. have you ever written in a library book?
Yes and I make it a point to drive to the public library and deface atleast 12 books a week to keep up the tradition.

34. allergic to?
allergy medication...isn't it ironic?

35. favorite fruit?
Tie: apples and Ryan Seacrest

36. have you watched sex and the city?
guilty.

37. baseball hat or toque?
thanks for wasting my time I had to look up "toque" on Wikpedia.org. trying to look smart? Back to the question, neither I don't want "hat hair"

38. do you shampoo first in the shower or soap?
first I make sure none of the cons are eyeing my prize. huh? err shampoo

39. wet the toothbrush or brush dry with the toothpaste?
no you lubricate it dumbass...huh? wait damn toothbrush?

40. pen or pencil?
I am noticing the questions are getting as lame as my responses. pencil.

41. have you ever gambled at a casino?
on both coasts.

42. have you thrown up on a plane?
Yes, Oceanic Flight 815 but hey I was sitting next to a guy name HURLey.

43. have you thrown up in a car?
in, on and around.

44. have you thrown up at work?
not that I know of.

45. do you scream on roller coasters?
like a banshee

46. how many times a day roughly do you go on myspace?
I gingerly sign on one or twelve hundreds times a day.

If we were judged on Google searches

originally posted: April 8, 2006

As I look at these I have one thought: WTF? My searches range from Reba McEntire to Competitive eating! These are all unedited. A great majority of searches are me trying make sure I spelled a word correctly which, as you can see I didn't. The irony of all of this is that I had to re-search some of these searches to see what the hell some of these things meant and who these people were.


Apr 5, 2006

bart simpson, graffiti, concert lighter, holding up a lighter, Iaudi 6 , smurf mushroom, smur fmushroom, smurfmushroom, smurfette mushroom, smurfette, arlington va, Larry Schwartzwald, Larry Schwartzwald., Larry Schwartzwald., James "P.J." Ransone, Nipsey Russell, Nipsy Russel, amber tamblyn poets, famous poets, funny headlines, Rascal Flatts, john Donne, wit, Reba McEntire, reba, easter quotes.

explanation: one of my favorite Myspacers penned an awesome poem so I had to spend 20 minutes finding the pefect image of hands holding up a lighter (instead of actually spending 13 seconds writing the words ""That was an awesome poem Patrick!" issue 2: I am a real gossip hound so I had to find a picture of disgraced Page Six writer Larry Schwartzwald. Why? who cares, right? apparently I did at that moment. On another gossip site I read the fascinating story about how actor Pj Ransone chased down a rapist and beat him down with a pipe. They didn't have a picture of him so naturally I spent the better part of half an hour trying to find a picture of him.

Apr 1, 2006

inappropriately, Myspace Online Now! Icons, funny headlines, matthew perry, Denise Vasi,, my fucking keys, Schleprock, flintstones characters Schleprock, flintstones characters schleprock, flintstones characters, flinstones characters, flintstones schleprock, flinstones schleprock, george mason basketball, george mason University, george mason, mobile phone unlocking software motorola, Mobile Phone Unlocking Software, blue drinks, ving Rhames, ving Rhames baby boy, ving Rhames rosewood, ving raines, ving raynes, Steve Harris, the practice, boston legalthe practice, boston legal, william shatner, william shatner tuxedo

explanation: I was all psyched up for the George Mason game obviously and made a post about it. I felt I needed to know WHO George Mason was so I did research. Did you know he signed the Declaration of independence? As it was my history I knew that the moment I threw my support to the team that they would lose (they did) I needed to find a picture of Schleprock from The Flintsone Kids to post on my blog. I also created a flash photo album for my page listing all the hot guys I dig (William Shatner, Tom Sizemore, Santiono ect.) I felt in these times I needed to be diverse so I had to find a black guy to put on the album and as you can see it came down to Ving Rhames and Steve Harris (From The Practice). I chose Ving. I was also trying to find free software to unlock the piece of crap phone I bought from a shyster eBayer.

Mar 26, 2006

1991 Honda CRX, 1991 Honda CRX., HBK, JOSH Herman, Valdir Reinoldo Bundchen., Como Construir a Si Mesmo, beck, bexk, J.D. Fortune, inxs lead singer

explanation: I guess I was looking for a used cars, info on the guy from Beauty and the Geek (a show I don't watch) and seeing what the hell a HBK was (he's a wrestler) I also did a search on Giselle Bundchen's father and the book he wrote. HUH? Don't ask me what was going on in my head that day!

Mar 23, 2006

little shop of horrors steve martin, wonder twins, Natasha Leon, Natasha Leone, Natalia Vodianova, Justin Portman

explanation: I was feeling nostalgic. Who didn't love The Wonder Twins! After that I read a story on a gossip site about Natalia Vodianova saying that said she spotted drinking vodka while she was pregnant...then for whatever I googled her husband. Is that considered stalking?

Mar 5, 2006

sony code, sony connect, coupon codes, asseenontv coupon codes, pasta express, lot 8, dentist recommend, emu, emule, internet squatters sued, internet squatters, competitive eater The Black Widow, Competitive Eater, Competetive Eater, mindy McCready, mindy McCready, santeria lyrics, southpark scientology, Toby Jones, the office

explanation: Where do I start? I am always looking to get something for nothing, so my searches are always peppered with "free" or "codes" On march 5th I was looking for free sonny song codes. I did buy the Pasta Express and I highly recommend it. I am a big fan of Sonya "The Black Widow" Thomas the competetive Eater. Yes it IS a sport. Mindy McCready is a country & western singer that is one of my and Billie's idols. Mindy's life is a country song. Google her and see you'll see!

25 pointless questions

originally posted: April 18, 2006

25 pointless questions

These are supposedly 25 questions that no one would EVER think to ask. Answer them, and then REPOST the bulletin:

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was behind you?
store security....always tryng to keep a sista down!

2. How much cash did you spend yesterday?
gas - 18 bucks / grass - Organic Salvia Divinorum ( I heard that parents are up in arms about this alternative and legal form of marijuana so I had to buy it before it was outlawed) 8.00 / Burrito Supreme and nacho's from Taco Hell 4.00

3. What's a word that rhymes with mist?
bucket.

4. Favorite planet, which you would live at, if you could?
In the words of Modest Mouse...The Third Planet. Why would I want to live on another planet when I already have a bunch of (illegal) Aliens living three houses down?


5. What is the last band shirt you wore?
Lynyrd Skynyrd (that was bedazzled to boot) Yee haw!
Steve & Barry's rocks! Where else can you buy an entire wardrobe for 50 bucks.

6. What do you think of yourself?
I think that I am witty, charming, unforgetable, intelligent,
honest, hard working, modest and a total BS Artist who would think nothing of lying on these pointless questionaires.

7. Name the brand of your shoes you're currently wearing?
Blue Suede Converse John Varvatos slip on's - yes I am even too lazy to tie shoes.

8. Night light or pitch black?
can't sleep without background noise. The TV is my nightlight.

9. What do you think about the (previous) person who took this survey?
She is one SICKBITCH.

10. If you could kiss anyone in the world who would it be?
Keifer Sutherland...provided we use a dental dam.

11. What were you doing at midnight last night?
watching my soaps on Tivo.

12. What's something that you say a lot?
If my Aunt had balls she'd be my uncle.

13. Last furry thing you touched?
Bea Arthurs back....kidding! My Dog Sammy.

14. How many rolls of film do you need to get developed?
Film?
I have some old 110 film in a drawer for high school but I am not sure whats on it. you know...sins of the past and what not.

15. Favorite age you have been so far?
10

16. What was the last thing you said to someone?
"you senile old cat when are you going to die?"

17. How do you like your eggs?
fertilized

18. Do you like someone?
umm...like I am totally over 13 so I refuse to answer this one.

19. Last song you listened to?
All These Things That I've Done - The Killers (want to hear it? go to
my site)

20. What time is it?
9:20 pm EST

21. What's around you?
Bills, Remotes, brush, water, easter candy, medication, a scripto lighter, lotion, candles phone....this is gonna take too long.

22. What are you wearing?
fuck off perv.

23. What did you do yesterday?
worked, shopped, did errands and uhh the rest is sketchy but I remembering waking this morning up in a motel 6 face down in a pool of my own vomit. ok ok the last part was bullshit.

24. Last bed you sat on?
a microbe infested Motel 6 bed with 6 Asian business men...okay more BS....I sat on my own microbe infested bed.

25. What should you be doing?
Taking a shower I reek of cut grass...I had to mow the lawn today... like a goddamn commoner!


I am adding a question to this quiz:

26. What is your overall opinion of this questionaire?
underwhelming.

Stupid fucking anorexic imbeciles

originally posted: 5/13/2006

OK this is officially a rant and it will probably be an unpopular one. Frankly I don't care.

Below you will see a bulletin from someone on my friend list and it repulsed me so much I had to make a entry about it. I can't bring myself to feel sorry for these self-involved drama queens. They KNOW they will die so what gives? What posseses a person to starve themself. You don't see this shit going on at this proportion in other countries, right? Maybe, but I am not going to the research. Instead of having special rehab centers for these girls (and guys) who most likely go at the behest of their parents and usually revert to their old ways, I think they should be sent to a place that has actual famine like Malawi. But no they make it through rehab and log on the internet where they can pal up with the other misfits on the internet who call themselves "Pro-Ana's". They have Pro-Ana sites on Myspace.com. Oh I wish Microsoft comes out with a virtual smack program.


Here is what has me up in arms:

From: Zaraphel
Date: May 12, 2006 10:41 PM

Totally disturbing and utterly disgusting!
you'll be dead before your thin enough.













































Girls:

Stop calling each other fat.

People take that seriously.

And this is what can happen!!



Guys:

You call a girl fat.

You tell her to loose some weight.

But is this attractive to you?

I didnt think so.



SO THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK.

Message for the myspace kids

originally posted: June 11, 2006

My message goes out to mainly the 12 to 17 year old age group of the Myspace society.

You are young now without a care in the world and that is great right? sorta.

The funny thing about the internet is sometimes your words come back to haunt you. Proclaiming that you are a proud slut and your hobbies include "body shots", "handies" and tagging may prevent you from getting into the college or trade school you have your sites set on.

Here are some other suggestions:


If you are an outsider, an anarchist or a bully victim I cannot stress enough how important it is NOT to write in your blog about how cool it would be to blow up your school. Why not you ask? Because that would make you a dumbass and you know that the popular kids/bullies are reading your rambling words and are lying in wait to fire off your post to the 300 buddies on their friends list. And keep in mind that kids who who commit those crimes are usually sent to adult prisons and I can assure you that you will be VERY POPULAR in there.

If you are remotely attractive putting your first and last name is never a good idea. Have any of you watched Dateline? You may think that posting a picture of yourself in a bikini of shirtless is cute...but most people find that sluttly and well we all know how the middle/high school rumor mill works....I do, I started so many rumors myself...usually about myself....anyway that is beside the point. Try to keep your self portraits tasteful...better yet be mysterious. Make people pay for yout shots....wait wait...no wait til your 18 to do that.


Whatever....I'm just trying to help the myspace children....because as Pat Benetar says "Hell is for Children"



oh yeah....your welcome.

So many questionaires so little time

originally posted: November 8, 2006

1. Do you still talk with the first person you kissed?
no, he is in prison and those fuckin' calls are like 3 bucks a minute

2. Have you ever seen your best friend naked?
no, not interested in seeing anyones "business"

3. Are you obsessed with someone?
God where do I start? Danny Bonaduce, Tom Sizemore, Ted Nugent, George Bush, Kathy Griffin and Usher.

4. What is the best thing about your job?
clocking out, I hate working.

5. Do you like more than one person right now?
ugh, these questionaires are so juvenile.

7. Did you get any compliments today?
sorta, my Esthetician said my skin didn't seem as dry as it was on my last appointment.

8. Where are you going on your next vacation?
Xanax, Virginia : population 1

9. When was the last time you kissed someone?
my husband. no tongue, some groping.

10. Are most of your friends guys or girls?
Guys. Most girls think I am a bitch...imagine that? stupid whores.

11. Do you own any furniture from Ikea?
Probably somewhere, the decor of my house screams of 1970's/rent-a-center/yard sale/white trash

13. If you could have one super power what would it be?
Flying....without the benefit of prescribed medication.

14. Where have you lived most of your life?
lovely crime ridden traffic-congested northern Virginia

15. Why is the sky blue?
Do I look like a meteorologist?
lets see...because...errr....ahhh
uhhhh....what sickbitch said.

16. Where do you see yourself in 4 years?
still on myspace (if it isn't outlawed) singing in the rain...or in a mental ward.

17. What's your favorite scent?
Tie: Chanel no. 5 or erotic turban sweat

18. What is your least favorite sound
Tie: the dentist drill and The Snuggles Bear

19. Are you moody?
fuck off

20. Favorite movie of all time?

Drama - Godfather II
Comedy - The Naked Gun
Indie - The Believer
Foreign - Run Lola Run
Documentary - The Smashing Machine
Campy - Based on an Untrue Story

21. Have you ever done anything hurtful to a classmate?
I was the class clown and I had a slight mean streak.

22. Have you ever gone to therapy?
yes, court ordered as a juvenile and in my opinion I think it is a load of bullshit. overpriced. useless. unproductive. Kinda like me without a degree.

23. Have you ever played spin the bottle?
who didn't?

24. Have you ever toilet papered someone's house?
yes....among other things.

25. Have you ever liked someone but never told them?
who didn't? oh yeah, those stupid whores I was talking about in question ..10

26. Have you ever gone camping?
yes, and I hated it. The outdoors are for the ...birds.

27. Have you ever had a crush on your sister's friend?
no but I slept with him....kidding! (I have family reading this)

28. Have you ever gone to a nude beach?
no, have you even noticed that most ooogly fat people go there?

29. Have you ever gone streaking?
Jeff Spicoli: Those guys are fags.

30. Have you ever had a stalker?
more than the average person, very very very creepy ones very very...this fucking magnetic personality of mine draws them in like flies. I should wrote a book...seriously.

31. Have you ever gone skinny dipping?
I don't recall.

Natalie notices that there is no question number 32

33. Have you ever gone to a party?
ugh...who writes these questions? duh yeah

34. Have you ever been in love?
yes and it's a battlefield.

35. Have you ever been betrayed by your best friend?
no, I am usually the betrayer...just my nature.

36. Have you ever lied to your parents?
yeah, and i still do.

37. Have you ever been out of the US?
are the Bahamas a state?

38. Have you ever thrown up from working out?
Oh heavens no!

39. Have you ever gotten a haircut so bad that you wore a hat for a month straight?
do not get me started with hair horror stories.

40. Have you ever eaten 3 meals from 3 different fast food places in one day?
That doesn't seem natural, but I have had two FF meals in one day. What can I say? I have an aversion to cooking.

41. Last song you listened to?
Foo Fighters - Everlong

42. Have you ever spied on someone?
yes all the time I am a nosey biotch.

43. Have you ever slept with one of your coworkers?
have you?

45. Who was the last person who called you??
My hair salon reminding me of my appointment tomorrow with my fabulously out there stylist who I swear should have his own reality show, he makes Jonathon Antin (Blow Out) look like a amateur

46. When was the last time you slept for 12 hours straight?
when I was 15 and went three days without sleeping and then I crashed, when I woke up I had no idea what day it was...awesome.

47. Have you ever been cheated on by someone?
who hasn't...but I gave as good as I got.

48. Have you ever stolen anything?
yes....but I'm no Winonna Ryder.

49. Have you ever consumed egg nog?
yes and it tastes like shit.

50. If you could be anywhere right now where would it be?
In the passenger seat of Mr. Tom Sizemores '91 Hyundai oh yeah...or the backseat wink wink.

Get to know me even more.

originally posted: June 24, 2006

1) How old do you wish you were?
about 24 when I has a really tight bod from karate

2) Where were you when 9/11 happened?
at home...way too close to the action

3) What do you do when vending machines steal your money?
shake rattle & roll...oh yea and curse like a sailor.

4) Do you consider yourself kind?
a veritable saint I would say. but I have always been called a sinner.

5) If you had to get a tattoo, where would it be?
it would be prominently displayed on my neck, it would read "FU MOFO" <--- there is a story behind that.

6) If you could be fluent in any other language?
Spanish and Vietnamese so I could find out what
my neighbors and my manicurists are saying about
me in FRONT of my face. So rude. But I am so self
involved I am assuming that I am the topic of every
discussion. Yeah, they are talking about me.

7) Do you know your neighbors?
no and I don't want to. I might as well be a serial killer
because I definitely like to "keep to myself" I hate small talk and BBQ's. I end up saying something offensive because I have been on the internet so long nothing is taboo. I mean, really, my 68 year old neighbor wouldn't possibly comprehend goatse

8) What do you consider a vacation?
a refill.

9) Do you follow your horoscope?
not at all. Anyone who seriously believes in that crap has issues. But yes occasionally I read them but in my opinion "The Magic 8-Ball" is way more accurate.

10) Would you move for the person you loved?
ummm...move out of my chair or move out of the way sure but I hate packing so they will have to move along and find someone more flexible.

11) Are you touchy feely?
Oh Heavens No!

12) Do you believe that opposites attract?
I believe I can Fly, I believe I can touch the sky.

13) Dream job?
My dream would be not to have any jobs. But if I must choose I'd say a caretaker for an wealthy elderly gentleman (with no meddling kids) whose knocking on heavens door....oh yes and he must be able to hold a pen in his hand.

14) Favorite channel?
HGTV and VH1 and the gay channel Bravo

15) Favorite place to go on the wknds?
stay home...fuck driving with all those lunatics and gangbangers out there

16) Showers or Baths?
must a choose....I like my aromatic B.O. funk. rain showers

17) Do you paint your nails?
No that gossipy Vietnamese bitch that from no. 6 does them. She's talking about me and I tip this bitch...that's rich.

18) Do you trust people easily?
no rarely. I have read enough true crime books and watched enough Judge Judy etal. that I don't even trust myself.


19) What are your Phobias?
spiders, storms.heights and uncircumcized...things.

20.) Do you want kids?
no more..all though I may adopt some street kids for
the summer...someone needs to mow the lawn.

21) Do you keep a handwritten journal?
Yeah right that is all I need "Exhibit A-342 for the court labeled "The Journals" no thanks.

22) Where would you rather be right now?
incoherent

23) What makes you feel warm and fuzzy?
sappy commercials. Get me everytime.

24) Heavy or light sleeper?
light

25) Are you paranoid?
Is Al Gore a boring blowhard?

26) Are you impatient?
ALWAYS

28) How do you feel about interracial couples?
this is 2007 who cares? (err I mean 2006)

29) Have you been burned by love?
Yes. but my nickname was the "Human Flame Thrower"
so I may mave been singed but there are a few guys
who have voodoo dolls in my likeness. P*ssys

30) What's your favorite pick up line?
no pick up line just a simple statement (to a coworker bringing in his wife or girl in for the first time) that's funny: "Wow, you got a new girlfriend...I didn't like the girl you had in here yesterday she was A BITCH"

31) What's your main ring tone on your mobile?
Clint Eastwood by the Gorrilaz

32) What were you doing at midnight last night?
lets see...I was scared....there was an awful storm.

33) What did the last text on your cell phone say?
confirmation plans for dinner in Springfield on Monday.

34) Whose bed did you sleep in last night?
funny you should ask...I fell asleep in the tub and then my husband then woke me up from a perfectly comfy sleep to drag me in bed, atleast I think it was my hubby....and my tub....and my house.

35) What color shirt are you wearing?
generic cotton tee.

36) Most recent movie you watched?
Sid and Nancy. Can't get enough of that

37) Name three things you have on you at all times?
ipod, palm pilot, cell phone (nerd nerd nerd)

38.) What color are your bed sheets?
floral pattern

39) How much cash do you have on you right now?
about 70 and change

40) What is your favorite part of the chicken?
entrails....and for personal reasons I'd rather not go into right now.

41) What's your favorite town/city?
L'Enfant Plaza in DC ...great shops and snobby gays,
you gotta love it.

42) I can't wait till:
this fucking quiz is over, what is this "War and Peace"?

43) Who got you to join MySpace?
I joined because all the cool kids were doing it. No, I had other motives...spying on friends and family.

44) What did you have for dinner last night
Queen Victoria Filet, sweet potato and coconut shrimp
for my birthday dinner at the Outback steakhouse and the lame employees sang me happy birthday...even though I requested this I pretended that I was slightly embarassed.

45) How tall are you barefoot?
5 foot whatever you stalker! How big is your schlong? huh? huh? no answer? I thought so. tables turned. score one for Nat

46) Have you ever smoked heroin?
No. I'd like to keep my teeth and possessions

47) Do you own a gun?
Yes a purty black .44 special

48) What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
water or agua

49) What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
my cunning wit and ability to make them think they can't get anyone better. and a little GHB in the drink helps.

50) Do you have A.D.D.?
probably I am planning on looking up the symptons more carefully so I can complain to my doctor that I have it so I can get that Lindsay Lohan med Adderal

51) What time did you wake up today?
about 8am

52) Current worry?
getting the convertible inspected, those goddamn grifter mechanics see a lady and think it's payday.

53) Current hate?
where to start? illegal aliens taking the jobs I don't want. Hollywood liberals, lawn chairs, traffic, snobby foreigners, working, car payments, unresponsible teens. ect ect ect

54) Favorite place to be?
In the backyard reading the tabs

55) Where would you like to travel?
Within the USA, fuck those foreigners they all hate us so why bother wasting the money on airfare. I could easily recreate the experience at McDonalds by having a mexican spit on my burger than dropping a few
grand to go to Paris and have them piss in my soup.

56) What do you think you'll be in 10 yrs?
hopefully out of Virginia...I swear I think it takes a Government pardon to be released.

57) Last thing you ate?
a 4 dollar hotdog from Wolftrap. (not woth it.....at all)

58) What songs do you sing in the shower?
Sister Sledge, Stones. Rob base, Slick Rick, Bowie. Sinatra, Sir Mix Alot whateva

59) Last thing that made you laugh?
an awful singer in Lord of the Dance. Her voice was so HIGH it made small babies in the audience cry. seriously.

60) Worst injury you've ever had?
unexplained seizure probably from Vioxx....I need to jump on that legal banwagon I have neurology reports to prove it....did Cochran die? He seemed like a bitchin' lawyer all crooked and preacher-like.

61) Does someone have a crush on you?
I can only imagine the amount of myspacers who are mesmerized by the hue of my blue skin.

62) What's your favorite candy?
skittles, but the rainbow taste like shit

63) What song do you want played at your funeral?
the last song on my playlist "I did it My Way" By Frank Sinatra although I wish he made a song " I did it mostly my way" anyway, that's the song and it's in my living will so if they don't play it I will haunt them.



word.