Why do Mexicans congregrate at 7-11's?

originally posted: November 28, 2005 - Monday

I have officially boycotted 7-11's in my area

(known as Land of Drywallers) or "tierra de drywallers"

These guys stand and loiter in front of 7-11's under

the premise of looking for work but basically use the

place as one or more of the following:

toilet - the stinky stench of urine is overwhelming.

bar/tavern - who says beer is unacceptable at 5 am?

Gang meeting ground - "MS-13" is spray painted on every wall

I am not exaggerating at all. There are sometimes over 50 men

of hispanic origin standing out there everyday. I would take a

picture if I didn't think I would have the ACLU picketing on my

front lawn. PLUS there's a family of 28 living in a house 3 doors

down, So I will seethe through the internet.

dramatic re-enactment:

If this keeps up I am moving to Mexico, I am sure

that country is empty by now!

I am not Kathy Griffin.

originally posted: February 19, 2006 - Sunday

Over the span of three days I had a stalker. For whatever reason she thought I was television celebrity Kathy Griffin. I was somewhat let down when I realized she wasn't captivated my brilliance but by an actual celebrity. I felt an immediate connection with this stalker because she wasn't willing to go the extra mile and travel to stalk me. She wasn't very motivated. She was a treasure.




I miss her already.


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Who does she think she is? Does she think she can throw me away like yesterdays newspaper! I will not be ignored! Perhaps I will stalk her and then callously dump her without a second thought.

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Damn her, damn her to hell. (dramatic sob)

product reviews Ambien CR , Tramadol, Lift Off , and Correctol

originally posted: March 10, 2006 - Friday

I have decided to implement a Product review section on my blog. to help you the consumer with product selections. I will only review products that I have used (and in some cases abused)

Note: Proceed with caution! In the matter of prescription medications I recommend you go to your doctor or a reliable overseas internet doctor, and do not exceed the recommended dosage.

Product	Image	What they say / What I say
Ambien CR (controlled release)		use for occasional sleeplessness. My Review: I took a coupon (found in my Soap Digest) to my doctor and he wrote me a prescription for 3 refills. It was awesome! Or so I thought. This is not the same Ambien I took before. My advice to anyone thinking of taking this: once you take it GO TO BED. One evening I didn't and decided that I wanted a candy bar. I drove to CVS and went on to buy over 40 bucks of various chocolate products. What is frighting about this is that I have no recollection of this event occuring until the next day. My only clue was a receipt in my pocket showing all of the purchases I made that evening...or morning it was after midnight after all. I can only imagine what those cashiers thought of this mad woman grabbing chocolate covered pringles, ice cream and candy bars. They must thought I was some lunatic bulimic on a bender. The new Ambien CR is a calk walk compare to the original. In my opion the CR stands CRap!
Tramadol / Ultracet		for moderate to sever pain My Review: My husband was prescribed this for something....I forget what, but naturally I confiscated it since I was suffering excruciating pain of my hangnail. Don't feel bad for him though I let him have my advil. The medication works. really, really well. The only drawback is if anyone tries to ruin your *peaceful easy feeling* you turn into Naomi Campbell and start raging out.. This medication is nothing compared to the magical "P's" (Percocet and Percodan) but it helps you overcome the trauma of hangnails.
Herbalife Lift Off		effervescent energy drink dietary supplement, a first-to-market, sugar-free, zero-calorie, effervescent energy drink in a dissolvable tablet form. My Review: okay I got roped into buying this product from an overzealous herbalife salesman who would not take no for an answer. He insisted I taste a sample of this miracle product. One drink and I would hooked. It helped me recover from my morning Ambien hangover! It was a miracle tablet to me, you just pop it in a bottle of spring water and you are buzzing like a honeybee. However, today I learned that each table has 75 mg of caffeine, and I drank 4 of them today! WTF! I'll get some sleep by Saturday I'm sure. Taken in moderation I'm sure this is a helpful product.
Correctol		"for gentle overnight relief my review: GENTLE OVERNIGHT RELIEF MY ASS!"

The republicans are coming after me!

originally posted: March 15, 2006

Last year in a moment of patriotic weakness I donated to the Republican Party. For that honor I received a nice picture of George W. and Laura Bush and a Christmas card. It was great, I framed the photo and pretended that we were friends.

HOWEVER

Months go by with no word from my new friends the Bushes...BUT lately I have been getting these pledge requests from the Repulican National Commitee that almost sound threatening! Seriously, it's reminding me of the days when my credit was less than stellar I grew lax on making my payments and the credit card companies started sending me bad letters. The high pressure "we know you don't want to be deatbeat, remember we know where you live and work so it's in your best interest to pay of we will be forced to take you to court and humiliate you in front of Judge Joe Brown" type.

The GOP have all sorts of ideas for me to drum up support for the republicans. One Idea? They want me to form a neighborhood GOP block party. With my neighbors? Sure that'll go over well, seeing none of my neighbors like me and I would need an interpreter for my mexican neighbors and their EXTENDED family/dayworkers living in their SINGLE family home.

I would scan and post these letters I get from them but I am sure that faster than you can say "Chandra Levy" I'd be found floating in the Potomac River with a "W is for Women" bumper sticker over my eyes.

I was going to throw my vote to Ralph Nader in '08 but I found some scandalous info on Saint Ralph: Ralph Nader's Skeleton Closet

I'll vote for someone less corrupt...is Sharpton running in '08?



wait there might be hope...George Bushes "mini-me" Yee haw!

25 pointless questions

originally posted: April 18, 2006

25 pointless questions

These are supposedly 25 questions that no one would EVER think to ask. Answer them, and then REPOST the bulletin:

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was behind you?
store security....always tryng to keep a sista down!

2. How much cash did you spend yesterday?
gas - 18 bucks / grass - Organic Salvia Divinorum ( I heard that parents are up in arms about this alternative and legal form of marijuana so I had to buy it before it was outlawed) 8.00 / Burrito Supreme and nacho's from Taco Hell 4.00

3. What's a word that rhymes with mist?
bucket.

4. Favorite planet, which you would live at, if you could?
In the words of Modest Mouse...The Third Planet. Why would I want to live on another planet when I already have a bunch of (illegal) Aliens living three houses down?


5. What is the last band shirt you wore?
Lynyrd Skynyrd (that was bedazzled to boot) Yee haw!
Steve & Barry's rocks! Where else can you buy an entire wardrobe for 50 bucks.

6. What do you think of yourself?
I think that I am witty, charming, unforgetable, intelligent,
honest, hard working, modest and a total BS Artist who would think nothing of lying on these pointless questionaires.

7. Name the brand of your shoes you're currently wearing?
Blue Suede Converse John Varvatos slip on's - yes I am even too lazy to tie shoes.

8. Night light or pitch black?
can't sleep without background noise. The TV is my nightlight.

9. What do you think about the (previous) person who took this survey?
She is one SICKBITCH.

10. If you could kiss anyone in the world who would it be?
Keifer Sutherland...provided we use a dental dam.

11. What were you doing at midnight last night?
watching my soaps on Tivo.

12. What's something that you say a lot?
If my Aunt had balls she'd be my uncle.

13. Last furry thing you touched?
Bea Arthurs back....kidding! My Dog Sammy.

14. How many rolls of film do you need to get developed?
Film?
I have some old 110 film in a drawer for high school but I am not sure whats on it. you know...sins of the past and what not.

15. Favorite age you have been so far?
10

16. What was the last thing you said to someone?
"you senile old cat when are you going to die?"

17. How do you like your eggs?
fertilized

18. Do you like someone?
umm...like I am totally over 13 so I refuse to answer this one.

19. Last song you listened to?
All These Things That I've Done - The Killers (want to hear it? go to
my site)

20. What time is it?
9:20 pm EST

21. What's around you?
Bills, Remotes, brush, water, easter candy, medication, a scripto lighter, lotion, candles phone....this is gonna take too long.

22. What are you wearing?
fuck off perv.

23. What did you do yesterday?
worked, shopped, did errands and uhh the rest is sketchy but I remembering waking this morning up in a motel 6 face down in a pool of my own vomit. ok ok the last part was bullshit.

24. Last bed you sat on?
a microbe infested Motel 6 bed with 6 Asian business men...okay more BS....I sat on my own microbe infested bed.

25. What should you be doing?
Taking a shower I reek of cut grass...I had to mow the lawn today... like a goddamn commoner!


I am adding a question to this quiz:

26. What is your overall opinion of this questionaire?
underwhelming.

Stupid fucking anorexic imbeciles

originally posted: 5/13/2006

OK this is officially a rant and it will probably be an unpopular one. Frankly I don't care.

Below you will see a bulletin from someone on my friend list and it repulsed me so much I had to make a entry about it. I can't bring myself to feel sorry for these self-involved drama queens. They KNOW they will die so what gives? What posseses a person to starve themself. You don't see this shit going on at this proportion in other countries, right? Maybe, but I am not going to the research. Instead of having special rehab centers for these girls (and guys) who most likely go at the behest of their parents and usually revert to their old ways, I think they should be sent to a place that has actual famine like Malawi. But no they make it through rehab and log on the internet where they can pal up with the other misfits on the internet who call themselves "Pro-Ana's". They have Pro-Ana sites on Myspace.com. Oh I wish Microsoft comes out with a virtual smack program.


Here is what has me up in arms:

From: Zaraphel
Date: May 12, 2006 10:41 PM

Totally disturbing and utterly disgusting!
you'll be dead before your thin enough.













































Girls:

Stop calling each other fat.

People take that seriously.

And this is what can happen!!



Guys:

You call a girl fat.

You tell her to loose some weight.

But is this attractive to you?

I didnt think so.



SO THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK.

I'm just a patriotic mess.

originally posted: July 7, 2006



Ok, so it all starts innocently enough.



As per my daily routine I read my gossip sites starting with
The New York Post Page Six. I prefer nonsense news over actual news because it's less depressing. The lead article that day was about George (douche) Clooney's former agent who hightailed it out of Hollywood to film the documentary "Young Americans" about U.S. Marines fighting insurgents in Iraq (read about it here) My heart starts pumping red, white and blue and I immediately go to Pat Dollard's site and view clips of his documentary:





After viewing the clips I am so impressed I donate money to offset his production costs...oh yeah I also buy the CD "Blood for Blood Outlaw Anthems" that is featured in the documentary. Okay. I get a nice email from Pat Dollard thanking me for the donation. It should have stopped there. But I never do anything in moderation. I immediately join two more patriotic organizations which I commended myself for. The third time is the charm so I go one step further and adopt a soldier! I made sure it was someone who lives far away from me because the last thing I need is some shell shocked veteran knocking on my door looking for his new "Mommy". I chose a soldier from Minnesota, In my vivid imagination he is somehow related to music idol Prince, but he is taller and has beard stubble...anyway I digress. I made sure my soldier was on the front lines and not some pampered pretty boy wasting time in Biloxi Mississippi. Hell, if I am shelling out money I want an authentic G.I. Joe or in this case G.I. Joshua. So I chose about 60 dollars worth of stuff off of his gift list. Being patriotic is a pain in my ass and my pocket. I wonder if Joshua will appreciate my gifts? I wonder if there really is a Joshua? Who is to say that this isn't some scam created by some ex-convict in order to get my credit card information, create new accounts in my name and screw up my credit? Shit now I have to go and check my credit report!

I know these donations will get the Republican National Party on my back again!

Damn! Why was I born with a heart? I am such a mark.

The Steaming 40 (questions)

originally posted: 06-21-07

The Steaming 40

1. What does your MySpace quote mean?

To Lazy to be Famous: Based on a true story. Kind of self explanatory

2. Elaborate on your default photo:

Anna Nicole Smurfette - she is the smurf that was kicked out of
the village for reason we won't go into (as per the terms of the confidentiality agreement)

3. Who is the first person on your top 8?

Suhweat

4. What's your relationship with the people in your top 8/10/12/16/24?

1. Suhweat - never met but she is funny and believes in
all important republican causes

2. Jade - I chose her simply because she is gorgeous. perfect hair, perfect features.

3. SickBitch - never met her but she seems almost as cool as me

4. Lady Z - married to .. 10. Modern day Ingrid Bergman

5. TurdFerg - she is me, with a college degree

6. Carlita - took over this spot when Billie disappeared for the 20th time

7. DeadLee - Homo hip-hop artist who is da bomb

8. Ed Gein - the only person I met in real life, hilarious guy

9. Charlie aka Cha-Cha - opinionated jerk....the male version of me

10. Patrick - married to .. 4 my most poetic friend

11. Sammy Sugar - I added him because he's good looking and will probably be a star

12. Smiley - I keep him on my top ten because he is cute....and to annoy him (I am sure he's rather not be there)

5. What exactly are you wearing?

University of Virginia hoodie and Lederhosen

6. What is your current problem?

I hate hearing other peoples problems so I will not answer
this question. Although I am sure all my issues are way more
interesting than yours.

7. What do you love most?

shopping

8. What makes you most happy?

shopping and getting a great deal

9. Are you musically inclined?

Oh heavens no

10. Which shoe goes on first?

zzzzzzzzz........boring

11. If you could go back in time, and change something?

I wouldn't have pulled the trigger and had to live a life on the
run. ok, that's bullshit. I guess I would have been nicer to some
people.

12. Ever have a near death experience?

several

14. Name an obvious quality you have:

sardonic wit

15. What's the name of the song that's stuck in your head right now?

Manitoba - Tapes & Tapes

16. Any celeb you would marry?

Provided he renounced his fagdom DeadLee

17. Who will cut and paste this first?

Billie

18. Name someone with the same birthday as you:

Errol Flynn

19. Do you have a crush on someone?

Crushes require a heart. word.

20. Have you ever vandalized someone's private property?

of course

21. Been in a fight? physical?

Yes I was a scrapper

22. Have you ever sung in front of a large audience?

not that I remember

23. What's the first thing you notice about the preferred sex?

intestines

24. What do you usually order from Starbucks?

WTF what do you think? a beverage. This is a stupid questionaire

26. Have you ever hurt yourself on purpose?

no I will leave that to the depressed teenage girls. boo frickin' hoo

27. Say something totally random about you?

I have a bird on my shoulder

28. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?

Some asshole said I looked like Tonya Harding (white trash ice skater)
when I wore my hair up...prick.

29. How old are you?

huh? whhhhat?

21. Do you wear a watch?

I own several but don't wear one...reminds me of my time in lock-up.
oh wait...that was bullshit I was never in jail.

22. Do you have anything pierced?

ears whoo hoo I'm a rebel

23. Do you have any tattoos?

oh heavens no

24. Do you like pain?

not receiving it

25. Do you like to shop?

yes yes yes

26. What was the last thing you paid for with cash?

a short-action EMP 1911 with the serial numbers scratched off,
I'm hardcore. again, that was bullshit.

27. What was the last thing you paid for with a credit card?

boring shit. bedding cat food ect

28. Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone?

my friend

29. What is on your desktop background?

an image from threadless.com

33. Do you like redheads?

sure, I am one....as long as I keep up my appointments at the salon

34. Do you know any twins?

yes, and they are ALL weird! they have "twin speak"
drug habits or deformities.

35. Do you have any weird relatives?

all my relatives would answers yes...referring to me.

36. What was the last movie you watched?

A history of Violence

37. What was the last book you read?

A Hundred little Hitlers by Elinor Langer

38. Did you or do you go to college?

a few classes...but why bother when you can buy the shirts?

39. What is your favorite pair of trousers that you own?

Trousers? who says that anymore? Who wrote this? Peter Graves?

40. Is Geminat the coolest person on Myspace?

oh hell yeah!

Before I forget : Part 1 Four Weddings AND a Funeral?

originally posted: April 4, 2007

I think I am losing my mind, which isn't necessarily a bad thing.
Who doesn't want to forget a part of their past? I don't know if
my memory loss is temporary, due to prescribed mediciation or
caused by living near a government testing facility as a child.

I was shocked yesterday when I forgot that Elizabeth Berkley's character in
Showgirls was named "Nomi Malone". I pride myself on my knowledge
of meaningless trivia. I knew that cinematic masterpiece like that back
of my forehead and I forgot Nomi?!! I was shook. So I said to myself
"Self, you need to use your journal for something more than complaining
about your Mexican neighbors!" and here we are.

Part One: Part 1 Four Weddings & a Funeral?

The year was 1990something. It started innocently enough as a prank.
I wanted to get something unusual for my Mom so I became ordained
through The Ministries of Salvation and gave her my framed certificate.
That should have been the end of it but noooo, I had to brag about it and
show off my laminated Reverend card to friends. Now word was out on
the streets that there was a Ordained Minister available to the unwashed
masses of Northern Virginia. The thing is, I have a really bad track
record with my (performed) marriages. Confused? Let me explain.

Wedding number one: My first time! strictly ceremonial. This ceremony was
for a coworker and her boyfriend, I had it all planned, I wrote the vows (how rude)
Being the smart ass that I am I worked in "Do you promise to put up with her
PMS" I show up in jeans and they are dressed up in Gothic looking clothes. I ruined that one.

Duration: 2 years

Wedding number two: co-workers; female knocked up and in order to
get insurance for the baby's birth they needed to be married. Who ya gonna call?
you got it...Me.

Duration: The asshole didn't even stick around for the birth! Turns out he was
gay, He left her in Florida with his mother and he went to Texas.

Wedding number three: The worse! The groom whose name escape me but
I am sure can be found in a police line-up somewhere was high as a kite. I get
a call from my childhood friend begging me to perform a ceremony for her friends
who are leaving town. I say no problem, she gives me the "restaurants" name and
directions and the countdown begins. In the interim I talk to my sister and give
her the restaurants name and she said "are you sure?" in a worried tone. It was too late to cancel. I show up to this restaurant (aka Redneck Biker Bar) dressed in a cute summer outfit which was in stark contrast to the sea of leather and Harley Davidson T-shirts before me. It wasn't until I got there that I was informed that I would be performing the ceremony on a platform and the bride would be coming down the aisle on the back of a motorcycle! I wanted to run but I was too scared! I was introduced to the groom who as luck would have it was bailed out of jail earlier that morning. How did he thank me for doing this favor for him? By feeling me up! The bastardly groom was still high from the night before and was doing shots of Jagermeister right up to the moment of the ceremony. The bridesmaids were hard looking and were giving me dirty looks DURING the ceremony. I couldn't get out of the place fast enough! I have a picture of me with the bride and groom, you can see my discomfort in the photo, what with him feeling me up during it. I no longer am in contact with my childhood friend.

Duration: unknown. My sister swears that she saw an article in the paper about the bride dying in a suspicious fire shortly after the ceremony another friend said she was still above ground. It has almost become an Urban Legend.

Wedding number four: Another favor for a friend. The setting was a pool hall, the groom and bride were late. I have no idea who these people were, all that I know is that they were pissing me off by wasting my time. They were fighting right up until the ceremony's' start. The couple were biracial and I was sensing some family tension.

Duration: 0 days; they had a fight and never filed the papers.



I told myself I would not perform another ceremony after that one but ended up
performing a re-commitment ceremony for my husbands brother and his wife.
It was outdoorsy and romantic, the complete opposite of me.

never again.

FORTY QUESTIONS YOU'VE NEVER BEEN ASKED IN A SURVEY

originally posted: 4-27-07

FORTY QUESTIONS YOU'VE NEVER BEEN ASKED IN A SURVEY

1. Do you know anyone in prison?
no

2. Have you ever logged onto a boyfriend/girlfriend/crush's myspace?
no, I'm grown.

3. When is the last time you ate peanut butter and jelly?
about a week ago

4. Do you have a desk in your room?
yes...two of them

5. Have you ever gotten naked at a party?
not intentionally

6. What kind of car insurance do you have?
I use Allstate. after, all former President David
Palmer from 24 recommends it.

7. Are you named after one of your parents or grandparents?
no, I like to say I am named after the only wood that
doesn't float.

8. Does your first significant other still live in the same town as you?
yes

9. Do you throw up gang signs?
lets see....I am a white girl living in a town
with about 40some gangs? hell to the no.

10. Have you ever broken a rib?
my own? no.

11. Would you rather be a girl or a guy?
this is a stupid quiz.

12. Who is the most spoiled person you know?
Besides myself? one of my nieces I won't name names but
she is so charming she can get away with it

13. Would you rather have a million dollars or true love?
hmmm let me ponder this...money

14. Have you ever had sex in church?
I was three years old and it wasn't consensual...
he said I was pressuring him. (kidding)

15. Is your boyfriend/girlfriend a marine??
no

16. Do you watch the Grammy's?
No, Grammy died many years ago she had
the old-timers disease.

17. Would you ever work for the border patrol?
Hell to the no. I prefer to hide behind my computer and
complain.

18. Which one word would describe your last relationship:
ongoing

19. Would you rather date someone 2 years older then you or 20 years older then you?
20 years, provided that they have a hefty insurance policy and have me listed as the beneficiary.

20. Have you ever had a eating disorder?
no and I don't understand the Karen Carpenters and Nicole Richies of the world and have a hard time drumming up sympathy for these drama queens. If you want to die, die.

21. Do you have a porn collection?
yes. Reality Porn: the Tom Sizemore video, a
2 part series XXX skank fest/ girls gone wild rip off
I won't even mention the contents.

22. How many proms have you been to in your life?
Zero.

23. Have you ever been in a inter-racial relationship?
I had a Peruvian boyfriend when I was a teenager...who failed
to mention he had a wife and a couple of kids...

24. Is your birthday on a holiday?
The birth of Natalie is a holiday in itself.

25. Are you old enough to vote?
Yes

26. Do you have any friends or family in the War right now???
Well there was that soldier that I adopted and sent a
care package to but since he didn't write a thank you
note to me, he is no longer in my world. A war is NO excuse for a lack of proper etiquette.

28. Do you worry about global warming?
I am sure I will be dead by the time Antarctica
turns into a tropical inferno so...not so much.

29. Do you like polar bears?
I did until that stupid baby Polar Bear Knut became
such a media whore.

30. Have you ever been cheated on?
who hasn't?

31. What kind of birth control do you use?
What kind of birth control do you use?

32. What slang word(s) do you call marijuana?
weed, pot, M.J. yes I remember the 80's

33. Are you an atheist?
I hate that word. Believing in nothing is still believing in something.

34. Did you lose your virginity to your neighbor?
Oh heavens no...

35. Did or do you think your childhood dreams will come true?
My childhood dream was to be an Astronomer because it seemed like an easy job. I am not working now, BUT I have hours to devote to TV and daydreaming about Homosexual rap star DEADLEE so I think things worked out great.

36. Do you wear your sweetie's clothes?
No.

37. What's your opinion on gold diggers?
gold digger? your soaking in it!

38. Are you a country or city girl/boy?
I am not a country girl.

39. Is your car a 2002 or higher?
a 2006, a 1991 and a 1986. and not to brag I also have
a push lawn mower AND a riding lawn mower. Holla.

40. Do you floss daily?
Oh heavens no






.·´¸.·´¨) ¸.·*¨)
(¸.·´ (¸.·´ ¸.·´
¸.·´¸.·*`·-» Geminat...
(¸.·

It was my birthday....Phantom of the Opera....smelly bitch

originally from June 21, 2007



Happy birthday to me!

So I get these SWEET box seats at The Kennedy Center for Phantom of The Opera and I am all psyched out UNTIL this bitch from the next box comes in smelling like a French whore!. She must have poured the whole effin' bottle on her. It totally ruined the show...stupid ho!

Hey That calls for a poem:

I was ready for a night on the town
looking all smokin' in a black evening gown
The usher guides us to our luxurious seats
It's was so nice I forget my aching feet

We are separated from the regular folk
who tickets costs so much less
I literally look down at them
That I must confess.

I am happy and content high in the air
until suddenly my senses are attacked
This hideous woman walks in
she almost makes me GAG!

Her perfume was so strong
and smelled so bleak
this bitch must have
bought this shit at the Dollar Tree

My eyes were watering
and my nose began to run
I wanted to strangle her
with her perfectly coiffed bun!

But no, I was lady
I kept my mouth shut
because it's bad etiquette
to call one a stupid slut.


:::here is my dream/embellished sequence ::::

So I stalked this bitch
after the show
trailed her like Hinkley
I was ready to blow

she got out of her car
I grabbed her purse
I found that fucking cologne
let out a foul curse

How dare you ruin
my wonderful evening
it's was my fucking birthday
you blond headed heathen!

I slapped her so hard
her bun came loose
this bitch's perfume
smelled like cheap booze

Struck down in the street
all beated to crap
I turned to her as I leave
"By the way you can call me Nat"

:::::end of dream/embellished sequence::::::::


I didn't say a damn thing to this doused down swill/chum wearing bitch...she must have won her tickets off of a radio contest for showing her tatas or something...damn
riff-raff!


Other than that....the show was GREAT