originally posted: November 20, 2005 - Sunday
Ever since I have become a part of the Tivo culture I have become retarded when it comes to global events be it world, regional or local. I know nothing. And why should I when I can watch America's Next Top Model, Breaking Bonaduche or House Hunters commercial-free?
The only time I do watch anything that resembles a news program is when Tivo records it for me based on their recommendations or if say there is a MTV news break in between Real World Austin.
The only time I read the newspaper is at work and I usually go straight to the entertainment section, and then it is off to the crime beat to see if any of my old high school friends have been arrested and then to the Obituaries to see if anyone I know has died. Inevitably I get stuck in a conversation with someone who mentions the devastation in (insert war-torn country here) I just nod along that it is awful and say something to the effect of "Yes I heard, that's so terrible" in a "tsk tsk" sort of way but what I really mean is.... "There was a flood?? When??" or “There's a War? I thought that ended in ' 04?”
I really should pick up a newspaper or watch the news every millennium or so. But if I did that I would miss the Gilmore Girls marathon on ABC Family Channel and that would blow.
This post was not sponsored by: http://www.tivo.com
Showing posts with label WTF. Show all posts
Showing posts with label WTF. Show all posts
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Reality (TV) Overload!
originally posted: January 21, 2006 - Saturday
You may have noticed thant I have am someone enamored with my Tivo's, (yes I said Tivo's)!
I need two to keep up with my favorite programs.It's not as bad as it looks though, the beauty of Tivo
is that you can scan through all the bullshit commericials and watch an hour show in less than 40 minutes.
Below is my weekly TV schedule:
24
Soaps
American Idol
America's Next Top Model - reruns
Breaking Bonaduce
Celebrity Fit Club
Cops
Dirty Jobs
Everyday Italian
House Hunters
Iron Chef
Iron Chef America
Judge Alex
Judge Judy
Lost
My Sweet Sixteen
Paula's Home Cooking
is that you can scan through all the bullshit commericials and watch an hour show in less than 40 minutes.
Below is my weekly TV schedule:
24
Soaps
American Idol
America's Next Top Model - reruns
Breaking Bonaduce
Celebrity Fit Club
Cops
Dirty Jobs
Everyday Italian
House Hunters
Iron Chef
Iron Chef America
Judge Alex
Judge Judy
Lost
My Sweet Sixteen
Paula's Home Cooking
Project Runway
Smalls space Big Style
SNL
The Girlmore Girls
The Real World
The Surreal Life
I'm sure there are more but at this point I am feeling slightly embarassed that I am such an addict.
Smalls space Big Style
SNL
The Girlmore Girls
The Real World
The Surreal Life
I'm sure there are more but at this point I am feeling slightly embarassed that I am such an addict.
I think I should take up something more productive like becoming a Bag Chaser and create a Powder Point Presentation. Ok Ok I just wanted to see if I could work in a few slang references for hillbilly herion, meth,Hydro Hypes; Ice, Ice Cream. Icee, Ish, Izice, Jab,Shiznit, Shiznitty, Shizzo, Shnizzie Snort, Shwack, Skeech, Sketch, Ski, Skitz, Sky Rocks, Sliggers, Smiley Smile, Smurf Dope, Smzl, Snaps, Sniff, Space Food, Spaceman, Spagack, Sparacked, Sparked, Sparkle, Speed Racer, Spin, Spin, Spin, Spinack, Spindarella, Spinney Boo, Spinning, Spishak, Spook, Sprack.
There is so more. remember kids:
When it comes to Drugs and especially TIVO! I leave the following message inspired by former First Lady Nancy Reagan:
.
When it comes to Drugs and especially TIVO! I leave the following message inspired by former First Lady Nancy Reagan:
.
Why do Mexicans congregrate at 7-11's?
originally posted: November 28, 2005 - Monday
I have officially boycotted 7-11's in my area
(known as Land of Drywallers) or "tierra de drywallers"
These guys stand and loiter in front of 7-11's under
the premise of looking for work but basically use the
place as one or more of the following:
toilet - the stinky stench of urine is overwhelming.
bar/tavern - who says beer is unacceptable at 5 am?
Gang meeting ground - "MS-13" is spray painted on every wall
I am not exaggerating at all. There are sometimes over 50 men
of hispanic origin standing out there everyday. I would take a
picture if I didn't think I would have the ACLU picketing on my
front lawn. PLUS there's a family of 28 living in a house 3 doors
down, So I will seethe through the internet.
dramatic re-enactment:
If this keeps up I am moving to Mexico, I am sure
that country is empty by now!
I am not Kathy Griffin.
originally posted: February 19, 2006 - Sunday
Over the span of three days I had a stalker. For whatever reason she thought I was television celebrity Kathy Griffin. I was somewhat let down when I realized she wasn't captivated my brilliance but by an actual celebrity. I felt an immediate connection with this stalker because she wasn't willing to go the extra mile and travel to stalk me. She wasn't very motivated. She was a treasure.
I miss her already.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Who does she think she is? Does she think she can throw me away like yesterdays newspaper! I will not be ignored! Perhaps I will stalk her and then callously dump her without a second thought.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Damn her, damn her to hell. (dramatic sob)
Over the span of three days I had a stalker. For whatever reason she thought I was television celebrity Kathy Griffin. I was somewhat let down when I realized she wasn't captivated my brilliance but by an actual celebrity. I felt an immediate connection with this stalker because she wasn't willing to go the extra mile and travel to stalk me. She wasn't very motivated. She was a treasure.
I miss her already.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Who does she think she is? Does she think she can throw me away like yesterdays newspaper! I will not be ignored! Perhaps I will stalk her and then callously dump her without a second thought.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Damn her, damn her to hell. (dramatic sob)
50 of the most random questions ever
originally posted: March 27, 2006
1. Where were you 1 hour ago?
making/burning Mac & cheese
2. When is the last time you filled up your gas tank?
yesterday
3. What is the most amount of money you spent in one store?
Over 3000. for a stupid gigantic TV I don't ever get to watch
4. Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?
of course
5. When is the last time you went to the mall?
about a month ago
6. Are you wearing socks right now?
yes
7. Do you have a car worth over $5,000?
yes
8. When was the last time you drove out of town?
a couple of years ago for a wedding
9. Have you been to the movies in the last 5 days?
No
10. Are you popular?
I'm the most famous person you've never heard of.
11. What was the last thing you had to drink?
Black Cherry Vanilla Coke
12. What was the last thing you mailed in the mail?
Netflix (I am boycotting Blockbuster)
13. Do you wash your car?
Hardly ever
14. Last fast food you ate?
burnt Mac & Cheese
15. Where were you last week today?
what is this, a fucking interigation?
16. Have you bought any clothing items in the last week?
yes
7. What bank do you use?
hello? Identity theft??? bite me
18. Do you own any land?
yes (the land my house sits on)
19. What do you want to be when you "grow up"?
Super Fly Cracker The Female Pimp
20. Your dream vacation?
Tahiti
21. Last boat ride you went on?
cruise in 99 or 2000 I forget
23. Are you in love?
everyday I look in the mirror
24. Do you have any single friends?
yes
25. Last play you saw?
"Movin' Out" but I preferred "Mama Mia"
26. Have you been to New York?
NO
27. What are your plans for tonight?
finishing this list goddamn it's taking forever
28.Last concert you went to?
I hate crowds. Concerts are for teens
29. Next trip you are going to take?
Where does Shatner live?
30. Ever go to camp?
no my mom was too cheap, which is for the best most camp kids were molested.
31. Were you an honor roll student in school?
"if Natalie spent as much time with her studies as she does entertaining the class she would pass World history" I guess that would make it a No.
32. What is your current GPA?
German Propaganda Archive?? What is this Nazi shit? back to the questions
33. Are you wearing any perfume or cologne?
Yes (Britney Spears Fantasy) give it a chance before you judge
34. Are you hungry?
no I am about to hurl from that effin Mac & Cheese
35. Where is your best friend located?
Arlingt....wait where is Shatner living?
36. Do you own a cowboy hat?
no but my Ameicanized illegal Mexican neighbors wear them with belt buckles the size of pumpkins.
37. Do you have a tan?
I am white as rice.
38. How old do you want to be when you have kids?
been there done that.
39. Do you collect anything?
expensive electronic equpiment.
40. Is this quiz annoying?
si
41. Last time you got pulled over?
who cares, my claim to local fame is being pulled over for speeding in two different counties on the SAME DAY and getting no tickets! Not even a driver diversion program. My excuse? I was traumatized over my grandma's death and was running late to her wake. I wasn't really that late.....I just like to drive fast. sorry grammy.
42. Ever been arrested?
never (juvenille records are sealed)
43. Been to Mexico for Spring Break?
why? so I can be abducted and held for ransom? I know my family they would not pay up and I would end up like Maria full of Grace swallowing ballons of heroin or illegal fireworks.
44. Do you like hot sauce?
nada
45. Last time you drove somewhere?
today
46. Do you need to do laundry?
si senor
47. How many friends do you have?
I can count my real friends on one hand, but it is a freakish hand with 13 fingers.
48. Are you someones best friend?
of course
49. Are you rich?
I'm not broke, I don't eat government cheese. I would say I am comfortably numb..
50. What are you thinking right this minute?
T NasTy (the Mad Bulletin Boarder)
50 of the most random questions ever:
1. Where were you 1 hour ago?
making/burning Mac & cheese
2. When is the last time you filled up your gas tank?
yesterday
3. What is the most amount of money you spent in one store?
Over 3000. for a stupid gigantic TV I don't ever get to watch
4. Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?
of course
5. When is the last time you went to the mall?
about a month ago
6. Are you wearing socks right now?
yes
7. Do you have a car worth over $5,000?
yes
8. When was the last time you drove out of town?
a couple of years ago for a wedding
9. Have you been to the movies in the last 5 days?
No
10. Are you popular?
I'm the most famous person you've never heard of.
11. What was the last thing you had to drink?
Black Cherry Vanilla Coke
12. What was the last thing you mailed in the mail?
Netflix (I am boycotting Blockbuster)
13. Do you wash your car?
Hardly ever
14. Last fast food you ate?
burnt Mac & Cheese
15. Where were you last week today?
what is this, a fucking interigation?
16. Have you bought any clothing items in the last week?
yes
7. What bank do you use?
hello? Identity theft??? bite me
18. Do you own any land?
yes (the land my house sits on)
19. What do you want to be when you "grow up"?
Super Fly Cracker The Female Pimp
20. Your dream vacation?
Tahiti
21. Last boat ride you went on?
cruise in 99 or 2000 I forget
23. Are you in love?
everyday I look in the mirror
24. Do you have any single friends?
yes
25. Last play you saw?
"Movin' Out" but I preferred "Mama Mia"
26. Have you been to New York?
NO
27. What are your plans for tonight?
finishing this list goddamn it's taking forever
28.Last concert you went to?
I hate crowds. Concerts are for teens
29. Next trip you are going to take?
Where does Shatner live?
30. Ever go to camp?
no my mom was too cheap, which is for the best most camp kids were molested.
31. Were you an honor roll student in school?
"if Natalie spent as much time with her studies as she does entertaining the class she would pass World history" I guess that would make it a No.
32. What is your current GPA?
German Propaganda Archive?? What is this Nazi shit? back to the questions
33. Are you wearing any perfume or cologne?
Yes (Britney Spears Fantasy) give it a chance before you judge
34. Are you hungry?
no I am about to hurl from that effin Mac & Cheese
35. Where is your best friend located?
Arlingt....wait where is Shatner living?
36. Do you own a cowboy hat?
no but my Ameicanized illegal Mexican neighbors wear them with belt buckles the size of pumpkins.
37. Do you have a tan?
I am white as rice.
38. How old do you want to be when you have kids?
been there done that.
39. Do you collect anything?
expensive electronic equpiment.
40. Is this quiz annoying?
si
41. Last time you got pulled over?
who cares, my claim to local fame is being pulled over for speeding in two different counties on the SAME DAY and getting no tickets! Not even a driver diversion program. My excuse? I was traumatized over my grandma's death and was running late to her wake. I wasn't really that late.....I just like to drive fast. sorry grammy.
42. Ever been arrested?
never (juvenille records are sealed)
43. Been to Mexico for Spring Break?
why? so I can be abducted and held for ransom? I know my family they would not pay up and I would end up like Maria full of Grace swallowing ballons of heroin or illegal fireworks.
44. Do you like hot sauce?
nada
45. Last time you drove somewhere?
today
46. Do you need to do laundry?
si senor
47. How many friends do you have?
I can count my real friends on one hand, but it is a freakish hand with 13 fingers.
48. Are you someones best friend?
of course
49. Are you rich?
I'm not broke, I don't eat government cheese. I would say I am comfortably numb..
50. What are you thinking right this minute?
T NasTy (the Mad Bulletin Boarder)
If we were judged on Google searches
originally posted: April 8, 2006
As I look at these I have one thought: WTF? My searches range from Reba McEntire to Competitive eating! These are all unedited. A great majority of searches are me trying make sure I spelled a word correctly which, as you can see I didn't. The irony of all of this is that I had to re-search some of these searches to see what the hell some of these things meant and who these people were.
Apr 5, 2006
bart simpson, graffiti, concert lighter, holding up a lighter, Iaudi 6 , smurf mushroom, smur fmushroom, smurfmushroom, smurfette mushroom, smurfette, arlington va, Larry Schwartzwald, Larry Schwartzwald., Larry Schwartzwald., James "P.J." Ransone, Nipsey Russell, Nipsy Russel, amber tamblyn poets, famous poets, funny headlines, Rascal Flatts, john Donne, wit, Reba McEntire, reba, easter quotes.
explanation: one of my favorite Myspacers penned an awesome poem so I had to spend 20 minutes finding the pefect image of hands holding up a lighter (instead of actually spending 13 seconds writing the words ""That was an awesome poem Patrick!" issue 2: I am a real gossip hound so I had to find a picture of disgraced Page Six writer Larry Schwartzwald. Why? who cares, right? apparently I did at that moment. On another gossip site I read the fascinating story about how actor Pj Ransone chased down a rapist and beat him down with a pipe. They didn't have a picture of him so naturally I spent the better part of half an hour trying to find a picture of him.
Apr 1, 2006
inappropriately, Myspace Online Now! Icons, funny headlines, matthew perry, Denise Vasi,, my fucking keys, Schleprock, flintstones characters Schleprock, flintstones characters schleprock, flintstones characters, flinstones characters, flintstones schleprock, flinstones schleprock, george mason basketball, george mason University, george mason, mobile phone unlocking software motorola, Mobile Phone Unlocking Software, blue drinks, ving Rhames, ving Rhames baby boy, ving Rhames rosewood, ving raines, ving raynes, Steve Harris, the practice, boston legalthe practice, boston legal, william shatner, william shatner tuxedo
explanation: I was all psyched up for the George Mason game obviously and made a post about it. I felt I needed to know WHO George Mason was so I did research. Did you know he signed the Declaration of independence? As it was my history I knew that the moment I threw my support to the team that they would lose (they did) I needed to find a picture of Schleprock from The Flintsone Kids to post on my blog. I also created a flash photo album for my page listing all the hot guys I dig (William Shatner, Tom Sizemore, Santiono ect.) I felt in these times I needed to be diverse so I had to find a black guy to put on the album and as you can see it came down to Ving Rhames and Steve Harris (From The Practice). I chose Ving. I was also trying to find free software to unlock the piece of crap phone I bought from a shyster eBayer.
Mar 26, 2006
1991 Honda CRX, 1991 Honda CRX., HBK, JOSH Herman, Valdir Reinoldo Bundchen., Como Construir a Si Mesmo, beck, bexk, J.D. Fortune, inxs lead singer
explanation: I guess I was looking for a used cars, info on the guy from Beauty and the Geek (a show I don't watch) and seeing what the hell a HBK was (he's a wrestler) I also did a search on Giselle Bundchen's father and the book he wrote. HUH? Don't ask me what was going on in my head that day!
Mar 23, 2006
little shop of horrors steve martin, wonder twins, Natasha Leon, Natasha Leone, Natalia Vodianova, Justin Portman
explanation: I was feeling nostalgic. Who didn't love The Wonder Twins! After that I read a story on a gossip site about Natalia Vodianova saying that said she spotted drinking vodka while she was pregnant...then for whatever I googled her husband. Is that considered stalking?
Mar 5, 2006
sony code, sony connect, coupon codes, asseenontv coupon codes, pasta express, lot 8, dentist recommend, emu, emule, internet squatters sued, internet squatters, competitive eater The Black Widow, Competitive Eater, Competetive Eater, mindy McCready, mindy McCready, santeria lyrics, southpark scientology, Toby Jones, the office
explanation: Where do I start? I am always looking to get something for nothing, so my searches are always peppered with "free" or "codes" On march 5th I was looking for free sonny song codes. I did buy the Pasta Express and I highly recommend it. I am a big fan of Sonya "The Black Widow" Thomas the competetive Eater. Yes it IS a sport. Mindy McCready is a country & western singer that is one of my and Billie's idols. Mindy's life is a country song. Google her and see you'll see!
As I look at these I have one thought: WTF? My searches range from Reba McEntire to Competitive eating! These are all unedited. A great majority of searches are me trying make sure I spelled a word correctly which, as you can see I didn't. The irony of all of this is that I had to re-search some of these searches to see what the hell some of these things meant and who these people were.
Apr 5, 2006
bart simpson, graffiti, concert lighter, holding up a lighter, Iaudi 6 , smurf mushroom, smur fmushroom, smurfmushroom, smurfette mushroom, smurfette, arlington va, Larry Schwartzwald, Larry Schwartzwald., Larry Schwartzwald., James "P.J." Ransone, Nipsey Russell, Nipsy Russel, amber tamblyn poets, famous poets, funny headlines, Rascal Flatts, john Donne, wit, Reba McEntire, reba, easter quotes.
explanation: one of my favorite Myspacers penned an awesome poem so I had to spend 20 minutes finding the pefect image of hands holding up a lighter (instead of actually spending 13 seconds writing the words ""That was an awesome poem Patrick!" issue 2: I am a real gossip hound so I had to find a picture of disgraced Page Six writer Larry Schwartzwald. Why? who cares, right? apparently I did at that moment. On another gossip site I read the fascinating story about how actor Pj Ransone chased down a rapist and beat him down with a pipe. They didn't have a picture of him so naturally I spent the better part of half an hour trying to find a picture of him.
Apr 1, 2006
inappropriately, Myspace Online Now! Icons, funny headlines, matthew perry, Denise Vasi,, my fucking keys, Schleprock, flintstones characters Schleprock, flintstones characters schleprock, flintstones characters, flinstones characters, flintstones schleprock, flinstones schleprock, george mason basketball, george mason University, george mason, mobile phone unlocking software motorola, Mobile Phone Unlocking Software, blue drinks, ving Rhames, ving Rhames baby boy, ving Rhames rosewood, ving raines, ving raynes, Steve Harris, the practice, boston legalthe practice, boston legal, william shatner, william shatner tuxedo
explanation: I was all psyched up for the George Mason game obviously and made a post about it. I felt I needed to know WHO George Mason was so I did research. Did you know he signed the Declaration of independence? As it was my history I knew that the moment I threw my support to the team that they would lose (they did) I needed to find a picture of Schleprock from The Flintsone Kids to post on my blog. I also created a flash photo album for my page listing all the hot guys I dig (William Shatner, Tom Sizemore, Santiono ect.) I felt in these times I needed to be diverse so I had to find a black guy to put on the album and as you can see it came down to Ving Rhames and Steve Harris (From The Practice). I chose Ving. I was also trying to find free software to unlock the piece of crap phone I bought from a shyster eBayer.
Mar 26, 2006
1991 Honda CRX, 1991 Honda CRX., HBK, JOSH Herman, Valdir Reinoldo Bundchen., Como Construir a Si Mesmo, beck, bexk, J.D. Fortune, inxs lead singer
explanation: I guess I was looking for a used cars, info on the guy from Beauty and the Geek (a show I don't watch) and seeing what the hell a HBK was (he's a wrestler) I also did a search on Giselle Bundchen's father and the book he wrote. HUH? Don't ask me what was going on in my head that day!
Mar 23, 2006
little shop of horrors steve martin, wonder twins, Natasha Leon, Natasha Leone, Natalia Vodianova, Justin Portman
explanation: I was feeling nostalgic. Who didn't love The Wonder Twins! After that I read a story on a gossip site about Natalia Vodianova saying that said she spotted drinking vodka while she was pregnant...then for whatever I googled her husband. Is that considered stalking?
Mar 5, 2006
sony code, sony connect, coupon codes, asseenontv coupon codes, pasta express, lot 8, dentist recommend, emu, emule, internet squatters sued, internet squatters, competitive eater The Black Widow, Competitive Eater, Competetive Eater, mindy McCready, mindy McCready, santeria lyrics, southpark scientology, Toby Jones, the office
explanation: Where do I start? I am always looking to get something for nothing, so my searches are always peppered with "free" or "codes" On march 5th I was looking for free sonny song codes. I did buy the Pasta Express and I highly recommend it. I am a big fan of Sonya "The Black Widow" Thomas the competetive Eater. Yes it IS a sport. Mindy McCready is a country & western singer that is one of my and Billie's idols. Mindy's life is a country song. Google her and see you'll see!
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