Ignorance is Bliss (Thanks toTivo)

originally posted: November 20, 2005 - Sunday

Ever since I have become a part of the Tivo culture I have become retarded when it comes to global events be it world, regional or local. I know nothing. And why should I when I can watch America's Next Top Model, Breaking Bonaduche or House Hunters commercial-free?

The only time I do watch anything that resembles a news program is when Tivo records it for me based on their recommendations or if say there is a MTV news break in between Real World Austin.

The only time I read the newspaper is at work and I usually go straight to the entertainment section, and then it is off to the crime beat to see if any of my old high school friends have been arrested and then to the Obituaries to see if anyone I know has died. Inevitably I get stuck in a conversation with someone who mentions the devastation in (insert war-torn country here) I just nod along that it is awful and say something to the effect of "Yes I heard, that's so terrible" in a "tsk tsk" sort of way but what I really mean is.... "There was a flood?? When??" or “There's a War? I thought that ended in ' 04?”

I really should pick up a newspaper or watch the news every millennium or so. But if I did that I would miss the Gilmore Girls marathon on ABC Family Channel and that would blow.

This post was not sponsored by: http://www.tivo.com

Reality (TV) Overload!

originally posted: January 21, 2006 - Saturday

You may have noticed thant I have am someone enamored with my Tivo's, (yes I said Tivo's)!

I need two to keep up with my favorite programs.It's not as bad as it looks though, the beauty of Tivo
is that you can scan through all the bullshit commericials and watch an hour show in less than 40 minutes.

Below is my weekly TV schedule:


24
Soaps
American Idol
America's Next Top Model - reruns
Breaking Bonaduce
Celebrity Fit Club
Cops
Dirty Jobs
Everyday Italian
House Hunters
Iron Chef
Iron Chef America
Judge Alex
Judge Judy
Lost
My Sweet Sixteen
Paula's Home Cooking

Project Runway
Smalls space Big Style
SNL
The Girlmore Girls
The Real World
The Surreal Life



I'm sure there are more but at this point I am feeling slightly embarassed that I am such an addict.

I think I should take up something more productive like becoming a Bag Chaser and create a Powder Point Presentation. Ok Ok I just wanted to see if I could work in a few slang references for hillbilly herion, meth,Hydro Hypes; Ice, Ice Cream. Icee, Ish, Izice, Jab,Shiznit, Shiznitty, Shizzo, Shnizzie Snort, Shwack, Skeech, Sketch, Ski, Skitz, Sky Rocks, Sliggers, Smiley Smile, Smurf Dope, Smzl, Snaps, Sniff, Space Food, Spaceman, Spagack, Sparacked, Sparked, Sparkle, Speed Racer, Spin, Spin, Spin, Spinack, Spindarella, Spinney Boo, Spinning, Spishak, Spook, Sprack.

There is so more. remember kids:

When it comes to Drugs and especially TIVO! I leave the following message inspired by former First Lady Nancy Reagan:







.

If we were judged on Google searches

originally posted: April 8, 2006

As I look at these I have one thought: WTF? My searches range from Reba McEntire to Competitive eating! These are all unedited. A great majority of searches are me trying make sure I spelled a word correctly which, as you can see I didn't. The irony of all of this is that I had to re-search some of these searches to see what the hell some of these things meant and who these people were.


Apr 5, 2006

bart simpson, graffiti, concert lighter, holding up a lighter, Iaudi 6 , smurf mushroom, smur fmushroom, smurfmushroom, smurfette mushroom, smurfette, arlington va, Larry Schwartzwald, Larry Schwartzwald., Larry Schwartzwald., James "P.J." Ransone, Nipsey Russell, Nipsy Russel, amber tamblyn poets, famous poets, funny headlines, Rascal Flatts, john Donne, wit, Reba McEntire, reba, easter quotes.

explanation: one of my favorite Myspacers penned an awesome poem so I had to spend 20 minutes finding the pefect image of hands holding up a lighter (instead of actually spending 13 seconds writing the words ""That was an awesome poem Patrick!" issue 2: I am a real gossip hound so I had to find a picture of disgraced Page Six writer Larry Schwartzwald. Why? who cares, right? apparently I did at that moment. On another gossip site I read the fascinating story about how actor Pj Ransone chased down a rapist and beat him down with a pipe. They didn't have a picture of him so naturally I spent the better part of half an hour trying to find a picture of him.

Apr 1, 2006

inappropriately, Myspace Online Now! Icons, funny headlines, matthew perry, Denise Vasi,, my fucking keys, Schleprock, flintstones characters Schleprock, flintstones characters schleprock, flintstones characters, flinstones characters, flintstones schleprock, flinstones schleprock, george mason basketball, george mason University, george mason, mobile phone unlocking software motorola, Mobile Phone Unlocking Software, blue drinks, ving Rhames, ving Rhames baby boy, ving Rhames rosewood, ving raines, ving raynes, Steve Harris, the practice, boston legalthe practice, boston legal, william shatner, william shatner tuxedo

explanation: I was all psyched up for the George Mason game obviously and made a post about it. I felt I needed to know WHO George Mason was so I did research. Did you know he signed the Declaration of independence? As it was my history I knew that the moment I threw my support to the team that they would lose (they did) I needed to find a picture of Schleprock from The Flintsone Kids to post on my blog. I also created a flash photo album for my page listing all the hot guys I dig (William Shatner, Tom Sizemore, Santiono ect.) I felt in these times I needed to be diverse so I had to find a black guy to put on the album and as you can see it came down to Ving Rhames and Steve Harris (From The Practice). I chose Ving. I was also trying to find free software to unlock the piece of crap phone I bought from a shyster eBayer.

Mar 26, 2006

1991 Honda CRX, 1991 Honda CRX., HBK, JOSH Herman, Valdir Reinoldo Bundchen., Como Construir a Si Mesmo, beck, bexk, J.D. Fortune, inxs lead singer

explanation: I guess I was looking for a used cars, info on the guy from Beauty and the Geek (a show I don't watch) and seeing what the hell a HBK was (he's a wrestler) I also did a search on Giselle Bundchen's father and the book he wrote. HUH? Don't ask me what was going on in my head that day!

Mar 23, 2006

little shop of horrors steve martin, wonder twins, Natasha Leon, Natasha Leone, Natalia Vodianova, Justin Portman

explanation: I was feeling nostalgic. Who didn't love The Wonder Twins! After that I read a story on a gossip site about Natalia Vodianova saying that said she spotted drinking vodka while she was pregnant...then for whatever I googled her husband. Is that considered stalking?

Mar 5, 2006

sony code, sony connect, coupon codes, asseenontv coupon codes, pasta express, lot 8, dentist recommend, emu, emule, internet squatters sued, internet squatters, competitive eater The Black Widow, Competitive Eater, Competetive Eater, mindy McCready, mindy McCready, santeria lyrics, southpark scientology, Toby Jones, the office

explanation: Where do I start? I am always looking to get something for nothing, so my searches are always peppered with "free" or "codes" On march 5th I was looking for free sonny song codes. I did buy the Pasta Express and I highly recommend it. I am a big fan of Sonya "The Black Widow" Thomas the competetive Eater. Yes it IS a sport. Mindy McCready is a country & western singer that is one of my and Billie's idols. Mindy's life is a country song. Google her and see you'll see!

Updates and Observations

originally posted: October 13, 2006


Updates and Observations


I am finding myself less interested in TV these days and this worries me. In this past I planned my schedule around it. The only shows I watch are Project Runway, Dancing with the 'tards, Lost, and House Hunters



Speaking of House Hunters (a show hosted by Suzanne Whang on HGTV) It is a show I love to hate. I watch these people (tastefully dress yuppies) looking at 600k houses and I pray that they go into foreclosure. "oh Kitty these tile counter tops are hideous we must replace them with granite!"

Because of a medical crisis I am no longer working and I am bored to death. Careful what you wish for, you may get it...well I guess it beats working. huh? whatever.



That soldier that I "adopted" (see this post ) hasn't even written a thank you note! I know that he is in combat put puh-lease! I am no mere citizen, I could have been his sugar-momma.



I no longer answer my phone because of solicitors and political ball busters. My advice? NEVER register with any political party it's like getting tele-herpes they pop up and irritate you every few months. It has gotten so bad that I have changed my outgoing message to French to confuse the hell out of them.


I noticed this evening that Sam Sugar deleted me from his friends list, I have never met this person and never will and I won't say I am offended but still..
I think he is very talented and he will remain on my top ten list because he is
superfine, totally rad and groovy. He is playing hard to get....just like K-Fed.


I am not as smart as I think. I just realized that the other day. There is no denying that I am clever, even Sam Sugar will agree with that, but as of late I am lacking in basic logic skills. I imagine it comes from growing up in a toxic neighborhood, and not that innumerable toxic substances that I voluntarily took during my high school years.


My daughter has relinquished custody of her Quaker parrot to me and he is already become as belligerent and egomaniacal as me. He (or she) curses, bites and
is generally very rude. Under my tutelage I have taught this bird to say my name, curse and bounce his head like he jez don't care. He is diggin the new K-Fed tune
"Privilege". I want to change his name to Andrew Jackson or Cha-Cha
because "Mr. Nibbles" is so gay.